One day, Loulette was walking down a neighborhood
street to the home of scientist Becca Knoles. Knoles had hired Loulette
to take part in a secret experiment to be conducted in Knoles's home lab
located in her basement. After Loulette arrived in Knoles's home lab, Knoles
instructed her to take a seat. Soon after that, Knoles went to a nearby
computer to begin the experiment. Seconds later, a brief, very thin laser-like
beam hit the big toenail of Loulette's right foot. That was when Knoles
revealed the horrific nature of the experiment.
"I just used an advanced particle beam system
I invented to shrink two of your friends to microscopic size, then beam
them onto the surface of one of your long savage toenails," Knoles said."You
gotta be jokin'," Loulette responded. "No, I'm not joking. After all, I'm
the expert on particle physics around here, not you. Besides, you can just
look at the computer monitor to your left and you'll see that your friends
Lambert Appleson and Arlena Gorsky are standing on one of your obscenely
long toenails."
"Well if that's true, then I could wiggle my toes
and..."Loulette wiggled the toes of her right foot and saw the computer
monitor image of her shrunken friends experiencing massive quake-like conditions."Oh
my god, you're right! You shrank my friends and put 'em on my toenail!"
"That's just what I said. But anyway, part
of the experiment here is to conduct a 'game' to see if your friends can
survive your long toenail. From the macroscopic level, your toenail may
look immaculately smooth and well-kept. But at the microscopic level, your
toenail is a rocky, mountanous and dangerous terrain filled with millions
of germs who could eat your friends live. Your friends' job is to walk
from the back end of your toenail to the front edge of your toenail and
survive. If they survive, I'll transfer them back to their original sizes.
If not, then chances are they'll have been eaten by one of the millions
of germs that live on your long, deadly toenail."
"NOOO! You can't let my friends get eaten
by the germs on my toenail!" "But if your friends get eaten
by the germs on YOUR toenail, then I say it would be YOUR fault that YOUR
toenail germs ate your freinds."
"You evil, evil bitch! Get my friends off
my toenail now!!"
"Sorry. Name-calling isn't going to persuade
me. But I will let you talk to your friends. I'm activating the a sound
system that will allow you to hear your friends despite their microscopic
size. And while the three of you are continuing the experiment, I'm going
to leave here for a couple of hours. And don't try to mess with the controls
on the pariticle beam system. Only I have the access code. In any event,
I'm sure I'll find some very interesting results when I get back."
"Please, Dr. Knoles!" begged Loulette. "I'm
sorry for calling you a bitch! Please turn my friends back to normal size,
please! I don't want them to die on my toenail! I couldn't live with myself
if they died on my toenail!!" Knoles left the basement without turning
back. Now only Loulette and her toenail-trapped friends remained (unless
you count the millions of toenail germs and other such microbes).
Lambert and Arlena were a couple of local comic book artists who had been
friends with Loulette for a few years. On a weekly basis, Loulette got
together with Lambert, Arlena and a few other artist friends at a local
cafe to do art and discuss various art and non-art-related things (though
Loulette wasn't an artist, she did enjoy the company of artists). But now,
it seemed like those good times may never come again. For Lambet and Arlena
were potential food for toenail germs.
Lambert's original height was 5 feet, 11
inches while Arlena's original height was 5 feet 4 inches. As the two helplessly
stood on the surface of one of Loulette's extra long (and from their perspective,
city-sized) toenails, Lambert and Arlena were just under 20 microns tall.
A micron is 1000th of a millimeter and a millimeter is one-tenth of a centimeter
(0.34 inch). At Lambert and Arlena's scale, Loulette's big toenail was
roughly 3 miles long. As the two observed the path ahead of them, they
saw nothing but toenail for as far as the eye could see. A vast, mega-gigantic
toenail land of extreme dangers and horrors. Who could ever have guessed
that a woman's long toenail could be used as an enormous place of suffering
and torture for microscopic people? Indeed, long toenails can be used for
savagely evil and diabolically deadly purposes.
"Are you two
all right?" asked Loulette. "No, we're not all right," replied Arlena.
"We're trapped on one of you long, gigantic toenails!"
"Actually, we're reasonable OK, Loulette," said
Lambert. "Despite that toenail quake you just gave us. I know I've said
some nice things about your long toenails, Lou. But I never thought they'd
end up getting me this close to them." "There has to be a way
for Loulette to access the particle beam system so she can return us to
our original sizes," said arlena. "I know Knoles said she's the only one
with the access code to the system, but what if Knoles got run over by
a bus or some such thing? If that happened, we'll never get off this toenail
and we'll end up being eaten by toenail germs!!" "We shouldn't
worry about that just yet, Arlena. We should get started on this toenail
journey and try to get to the edge of Lou's toenail as fast as we can.
Now that we can talk with Lou, she could help us avoid certain dangers."
"I'll help you two the best can, Lambert." "I don't know,"
expresses Arlena. "I have a feeling that Loulette may end up hurting us
more than helping us. I'm mean, no offense, Lou. I do value our friendship
very much. It's just that being trapped on your toenail doesn't look very
survivable to me even with your help."
"Don't worry, Arlena. I'm make damn sure that
I'm very, very, very careful when helping out you and Lambert."
And so Lambert and Arlena began their long toenail trek. For the first
10 minutes of their journey, they experienced relatively smooth terrain
and saw no "giant" toenail germs. It was as if all the dangers of Loulette's
mega-massive long toenail were exagerated. And Loulette soon felt much
better about the situation. "It looks like Knoles was
lyin' about there bein' millions of germs on my toenail. There ain't no
germs on my toenail." "Nope, she's right about there
being millions of germs on your toenail, Loulette," corrected Lambert.
"After all, germs are everywhere." "And don't even think about
spraying some Listol on your toenail," said Arlena. "Because chances are
it'll kill us faster than it'll kill your toenail germs." "You two are
just over-reactin'. There ain't no germs on my..." Loulette
was suddenly interrupted by her tiny toenail traveling friends.
"Aaaaaah!!!" screamed Arlena.
"Noooooo!!!" screamed Lambert.
The two had just encountered an elephant-sized
germ that immediately went after them. As the two ran for their lives,
Loulette helplessly watched the two run from the "giant" germ. The germ
was moving faster than Lambert and Arlena could run. It looked as if the
two were only a minute away from going through the very undignified death
of being eaten alive by a toenail germ on the surface of the vast, massive,
deadly and dangerous long toenail of their friend Loulette. (To
be continued)